HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Being home reminds me of how innovative I was as a young girl...well, maybe not innovative, just bored and curious [which got me into trouble many times].

It's snowing heavily here, and as I dropped Bing off at home, I pulled onto her snow covered driveway and smiled. I remember when I first moved to Chicago, my mom had us live with my aunt in Cicero for a year while she and my dad looked for housing. Living in the city burbs - if there is such a thing, you really didn't have a yard. You had a front yard, sorta, and a backyard, sorta. I remember my aunt and uncle had a rectangular cement patio, and her small yard was very manicured. She had little gnomes scattered throughout the yard [which I thought was cool at the time, and now I find tacky], and I do recall a cherry tree growing. They did have a garage, and behind the garage was a train track. We were NEVER allowed back there, "You understand?" Every day at 3PM, an industrial train would chug along, and if I were out there I'd wave to the old men, and they'd give me the finger back, or make some obscene gesture.

...Just kidding.

Of course they waved back.

Okay, I'm getting off track here. Anyway, I remember my aunt and uncle had a rectangular shaped, cement patio...It was our first winter in Chicago and it just had started snowing, but it was really wet snow. Dude, I didn't care. I had never seen such whiteness fall from the sky, and it even looked cooler at night. My brother and sister weren't really enamored by it, and they declined my invitation to come out and make a snowman.

So there I was in my glory, patting together snow, but alas, the snow stopped. My first ever snowman was the gayest ever snowman. It basically looked like a 4ft pole with a whole lotta girth. My sister allowed me to have a carrot, but it was one of those mini carrots, you know, the kind you get in a veggie platter? I took rocks from the landscaped yard and designed a mouth and eyeballs. 'Course building Mr. Gayman was getting old so I thought to myself,

"What else would I do if it started to snow? I KNOW! I'd wanna go ice skating!"

I soon found myself pouring about 5 gallons of water onto the cement patio. It took about an hour to have the exact slippage I wanted, and then when I tried to ice skate in my winter boots, I realized, "Okay, I really can't skate with boots on, and if I did have skates, I don't even know how to." I was afraid I was gonna break my head open so I stopped. My sister came out to check on me and I remember her saying, "Ooooh, you better clean this up."

"Why? It's just ice, it'll melt."

I went back inside, shedded my winter clothes, and watched TV. Next thing I know, I hear my aunt and uncle come home, my uncle went to pick her up from work, my aunt, a nurse, worked the night shift.

"Did you guys eat?" They asked.

"Yes, we already ate."

I hear the backdoor open.


"YAAAAAAIIIIIII!!"

If I could only describe to you that male scream, the blood curdling scream, coming from my Uncle Butch's mouth...You'd laugh so fucking hard you'd lose your bowels.

'Course I wasn't laughing at that moment. My eyes bulged out, I gripped onto my sister's arm, and I could hear my aunt running to the rescue.

"Oh my god, oh my god, what? Who did this? Gerald! Gerald!"

They thought my brother did it. We three walked towards the back of the house...Uncle Butch in the kitchen clutching his back with a raised voice asked, "Who did this?"

"I did."

"Do you know how dangerous that is? You should have said something."

From the corner of my eye I could see my brother smirk, and when my brother smirks, bad things start to happen.

Before I could answer, "Yes, I know it's dangerous, and I should have said something...," I answered, "Yes," with a snort, which was more like, "Ye[snort]."

He told us to leave his presence and vowed to call my father up and inform him of what had happened...[he knew we were scared of my dad].

That night, my sister and I could not stop laughing, and I could hear my brother in the next room laughing, too.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!