I get stupid.

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If you're looking for the Girl-Off Contest, click here.
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I got up at the ass crack of dawn to make my appointment with the new Doc. She's very pretty.

I had a physical exam done, which I haven't had done in a couple years. I figured the ongoing heartburn, extreme exhaustion warranted this visit. I checked in at the front desk and the receptionist hands me a small jar and some alcohol wipes.

"Fill this to the mark and just leave it the lavatory."

"But...but, I don't have to pee." I thought to myself.

I grabbed the jar and proceeded to the bathroom. On the wall was a poster on how to fill the jar according to your sex. With pictures, even. Cracked me up.

So there I was, pacing, washing my hands in freezing water [hoping it'd spark a little waterflow of my own] and about fifteen minutes later I left my specimen on the counter to fend for itself.

The nurse did some stats. I am 5'3 and a 1/2 inches tall, and a 116 lbs. She sat me in a room, on a table bed.

"So, what are you gonna do."

"Well, right now I'm gonna take some blood samples, then the doctor will come in and start your physical."

"Uh wha? You're going to take blood?"

She began placing 3 TALL vials on the counter. My eyes bulged out.

"Um, I'm sorry, I wasn't prepared for this."

She continued to lay out more scary looking things, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not good with needles, or whatever you're about to do."

"Do you faint? Have you passed out in the past?"

"I act really stupid."

"You'll be fine," she says with a little giggle. "Okay, stick your arm out."

I comply. Stick my arm out. She takes a rubber string thingie and ties it around my arm, taps at my forearm. "Make a fist."

She takes an alcohol swab, and wipes the spot down. I HATE that smell.

Then it began. The panic. I tried to look away when, "Wait, are you just going to do this by yourself?"

"Yes."

My brain screamed out, "Dear Lord in heaven!" as she proceeds to stick me.

"Don't do it! I'm sorry but, can you get something for me to hold on to? Like a little stress ball, ANYTHING?"

I could tell she was stifling a laugh. I knew I was making a fool of myself but chripes, man. She went off to find something for me to hold onto. She came back with a live human being. I immediately reached out for the second nurse. "Thank you so much." I sat on the table top, right hand balled into a fist, left, squeezing the hell outta the nurses hand as I had my head turned, staring out the window. I let out a little giggle when she actually stuck the needle in my arm. "Ow."

A minute or two later, the three TALL vials were filled.

***When I was a little kid receiving vaccinations, I recall a situation where it took two male Naval nurses to pry arms apart. And recently, when I had my wisdom tooth removed, I held onto the arm of my surgeon, whilst squeezing his hand as they put an IV in my arm.***

I met with my new doctor, as I said, she's delightful. She inspected me, we had a long talk about my eating habits, exercise regime, and lifestyle. Her recommendations. So far I'm a healthy woman, take a multivitamin, take Zantac for my heartburn, drink lots of water, exercise, and wear SP15 when I go to the beach, and she'll get back to me on my blood tests.

I'm glad I finally got this over with. Phew.