3 Strikes

And so,

I hung out with BGw/G. He wanted to come out to me, but, me not wanting to share my personal space [yet] informed him that I'd be driving out to him for dinner and a movie. Well, the movie, anyway.

I had already started to feel the pressure of going to see him half way to his house. I wanted to turn back but, that would be rude and stupid of me so I kept going. This was an hour long ride, mind you, and normally I would to try to cut that in half but I took my sweet ass time. When I arrived, I met him at the back door, and "Do you happen to have aspirin or something? I have a headache." He led me to his kitchen, gave me a choice of aspirins, and gave me water in a disposable cup. I swallowed both aspirins and took my sweet ass time drinking my water. He watched. As soon as I was done, he took the cup, set it aside, and extended his arms to me,

"Well it's good to see you."

We hugged.

"You smell good."

With a big sigh, I thanked him through clenched teeth and thought, "Man, why'd you have to shower?"

I was on a schedule. I planned it to be this way, after all, we were only hanging out. I told him I wanted to rent a movie, we rented Troy. We jumped in his truck, walked into a quaint little movie rental store, the owner clearly knew who he was, looked over at me and smiled, then looked back at him, then they smiled. I walked away. He bought a huge bag of popcorn, and we were on our way back to his place.

I sat on one end of his leather couch, he sat right next to me, to which I thought, "Man, I shoulda sat on the recliner." He placed the popcorn between us, and 2 1/2 hours later, I had to get going. I didn't know the movie was that long, though I'm glad it was. During the movie, he tried to get me to hold his hand, I somehow avoided doing so. The entire time was awkward. From the time I swallowed the aspirin, to the time he walked me to my car and said, "Thanks for coming by, I enjoy spending time with you." And as I drove into Boston for Karaoke with Crissy, Elzilla and friends, I decided I'd call him today and let him know how I felt.

I called and...

What he wants,

He sees all the qualities in me that he wants in a woman. He wants a romance.

Me,

I'm just not ready for a romance yet. I mean, when I heard him say romance, I cringed. I felt like an asshole. Talking to him was awkward, but it was better than sending how I felt to him in an email. I feel like I just let go of one of the greatest guys I'll ever meet, and according to Catherine, won't happen again for another five years.

I told him I'd like to continue seeing him, as friends, if he wanted to. He said yes, and I hope he's true to his word.

As K and I sat in the sun, she reminded me that, "You've got your shit together, Em."

"Oh yeah? Then why do I feel like such an asshole. I feel horrible."

"Because you are a nice, sweet, young woman who's still finding herself...At least you're not that girl."

Ah yes, that girl.That girl who constantly needs a man, either long term, or just in bed. That girl who turns into a stalker when she doesn't hear from the man every other hour. That girl.

This is me.

Even though I like him, I'm not ready to share that part of me with him. That part of me where I allow him to have my dignity in his hands.

I've only known him for a couple weeks and he even admitted that he likes me more than he should. I gave it time and I'm just not feelin' it.

As I stared into the clouds, K grabbed my face and turned my head towards hers.

"You miss him now, don't you?"

"I can't help it. He's soooooo cute," I said through puckered lips. She pushed my face away.

"Don't worry. That's as close as I'll get to being that girl."

Since I made my decision to cut any romanic ties with BGw/G, from when I met up with Chrissy and Elzilla, to K and I sitting in the park, the weirdest thing has been happening. Every where I look, almost all the men have shaved bald heads. Too friggen weird.